*** SUZUKI SWIFT ***
Location: North West England - Heaton With Oxcliffe
Swap Value: £1.000+
** FOR SWAP **
Yes folks, I have decided that after two years of fighting off hoes with a shitty stick that the Suzuki must go. If anyone is interested in a rant or swapping this then fill your boots.
I had decided a while back that sex appeal was overrated and bought a Suzuki Swift. You may have seen these models in packs outside Sunday mass driven by the eldest demographic of our fine country.
So how does this affect you? Well, it doesn't. I needed to blow off some steam and apparently 11am is "too early" to start drinking.
This 2008 model sits with an impressive 77,000 miles. Most of which have all taken place between the top road garage, Belfast and the occasional jaunt west to ensure the car does indeed last for more than an hour on the road.
An impressive 49.6 MPG guarantees your consistent absence from most petrol stations as well as a CD player for the nostalgia enthusiasts among us.
Performance wise this car is as powerful as it is a monkey. As a driver, the Swift will see you arriving at your destination safely and soundly. That's all down to the generous 75BHP engine churning out slightly more power than Steven Hawking's quads.
0-60 in a bank holiday weekend cementing the fact that 4th and 5th gear are purely cosmetic features of this four - wheeled wank.
This car usually flies under the radar when it comes to speed cameras. Unless the wind is behind you, downhill, with an empty car and a speed camera that flashes at 15mph
Channelling your inner Adam Johnson, it could be older but with enough coaxing you'll eventually get there. All be it with a price to pay at the end.
I have personally funded my mechanic's last 4 holidays which have included Dubai, Monte Carlo, Beverly Hills and The Hamptons all via first class flights. This car is as reliable as a Simon Mignolet clean sheet, as fast as a Monday at the office and as interesting as Big Brother.
Don't buy a fucking Suzuki :)
What have you got???